my high school experience.

None of us were creators then
Only destroyers
Leaving empty space in our wake.
Running backwards
Thinking that what we saw
Was us,
Rushing towards oblivion

Ethos pt. 1

There was a café in Richmond,
that force fed starving artists
amazing food and love,
the way we starving artists
feed the world creativity.
Without asking.
Without expecting anything in return.
And with a noble sense of obligation

Jen and Sarah,
were the couple who owned it.
they taught to me what it meant
to be revolutionary.
Some of their proceeds went to programs
for needle exchanges
or helping underage girls
get safe abortions
if they couldn’t tell their parents.

The types of programs
that make conservatives
blow steam out their ears.
and head out on the warpath.

They did it quietly.
Happily.
Not wanting to offend any clientele
that might object
to their patronage
funding such fringe causes.
But someone had to do it they said.
Why not them?

Not to mention,
their coffee was amazing.

It may have been the only place
ever in my life,
where I would strike up
conversations with complete strangers.
And I did every day,
since I was there for hours on end.
A safe haven for vagrant artists,
vagabonds,
and various free thinkers.

Before I went on tour for a month
with Joseph,
Ethos cafe held a fundraiser for us.
It was all their friends
that showed up

Jen and Sarah hadn’t slept yet.
They were up all nite
making T-shirts for us to sell
at shows.

They had us perform
and passed a hat.

People who struggle
to make rent every month
threw money into that hat
after Jen’s speech,
about how people who try
to really follow their dreams
need everyone else around them
to struggle a little more,
voluntarily,
while they wait for
their opportunity
to take the leap.

And whenever they chose
to take that leap,
Ethos would be right there
to pass a hat
and do whatever it took
to see them off right.

All I Know is Humor.

She said it was happening again

My read resting in her lap
as she scratched and massaged
my freshly shaved scalp.

She noticed the other day,
too much long red hair in the drain.
The doctors still seem confused,
but think its a rare form of lupus.
Her body, aimlessly waging war against itself

‘there might be one advantage’
I tell her lazily as the opium of her fingers
work themselves into my system
‘I can finally return all this
head massaging that you give me’

I swear,
I felt her smile through those fingers

Honey Badgers for Anxiety

We were at a Thai restaurant
In Austin, Tx
A few fellow poets
And the girl I was dating
A guitar player

She would open for hard rock bands
Just her,
An acoustic guitar,
And the songs she wrote
Rocking the venue

But this night,
She had one of her anxiety attacks
Right after we ordered.
She was outside,
Sitting balled up
Leaning back against the building
World around her spinning
Breath caught and pressed
By boulders

I sat with her,
Told jokes,
And recounted
Scene for scene
A documentary on my favorite animal,

The honey badger.

Considered the most tenacious
Animal on the planet,
It attacks lions, and poisonous snakes
Without a care.

But it gets its name,
From its love of honey.
And the reckless abandon
With which it dives into
Underground hives
Being stung thousands of times
Just to pull out the
Sweet sweet honeycomb


Maybe that is like
Working through an anxiety attack.
Knowing the honeycomb,
The ability to take a
deep, sweet,
Breath of air
Is worth getting stung
By shortness of breath,
And vertigo.
So you don’t ever
give up trying

The whole time I talked,
I kept a hand on her belly,
Made her focus on breathing.
Trying to keep it slow and deliberate
Eventually we stood up
as everyone filed out of the restaurant

We missed dinner.

A couple weeks later
There was a package in the mail
A stuffed animal,
An official honey badger
I had no idea
That they even made those

It must have been much
Harder to obtain
Than my stories were
That eased her anxiety

And receiving it eased mine,
Concerned about
How much I actually helped.

Apparently,
Honey badgers
Work better
Than Effexor or Zoloft

But like all anxiety meds,
The side effects can be brutal.

Biting and clawing,
Resulting in excessive bleeding

Sitting in a metal-smithing studio

Sitting in a metal-smithing studio

Surrounded by a wide array
Of unfamiliar instruments,
Numerous tools with
Slight variations,
Each waiting silently
For their moment
To make a vocal mark
On the world
Through the delicate hands
Of an artist.

It makes me wonder,
How complex is my art?

Substituting a pen
For a pencil,
Paper for a keyboard-
Would that make a
Discernable difference
In the outcome of this poem?

Never will someone say

‘I loved your poem,
Did you usea ballpoint pen?
Or a number 2 pencil?’

Writing and performing poems
Does not hold evidence
Of the medium used
In the precious moments of conception
There is no need to switch between
Lead and ink
mid-poem
In order to fine tune these metaphors
With the proper hue and texture

So how complex
Is this act of expression?

late in high school, and my year off......

......were spent keeping soberness at bay
during daylight hours
And trying to drown it at night
Only to wake the next day
And try again.
i'm still not sure
what my grudge was
with sobriety.
but i'm still
pretty sure
it deserved it.

Daggers

As my fingers caressed the small of her back.
I still remember
not just what she said,
but how she said it.

‘Why are you touching me like this?’

She told me from the get go
that she doesn’t use the word ‘love’
I told her it was overrated anyway

Oxycoton and heroin
Taught her feelings,
And I had become another hangover

She consumed me,
Anytime she felt lonely and bored
a common void bonding us together
But only at the edges
we spent our time fighting or fucking
To grab, poke, stab, bite, yell
At something outside ourselves.

Even our cold shoulders
Were loud, defiant
And jagged

But there were quiet moments,
In bed,
With cigarette smoke and sweat
Her tracing my tattoos
over and over.
My lips,
speaking slow
Gently touching
Old bruises,
More ancient than either of us felt

that was when she got
Demanding.
Each word carefully
Sharpened into a
Barbed and accurate dagger

‘Why do you touch me like that?’
Her voice slicing the space between us
Eyes begging for the answer.
I would smile, confused
And say, because these
are beautiful moments

thinking that
Our violence,
For a moment,
Together……
Could be all love is

Reminding her
softly of this emptiness
The way she reminded me
Through daggers of words
That pierced my insecurity

These serene moments are tiny scars
Wondering if I touched her like that…
With delicate daggers on my fingertips
Just to remind each other of the voids
we were seeking to destroy